He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize