Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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