I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize