also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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