the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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