Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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