I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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