I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize