Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize