the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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