There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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