jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize