She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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