would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize