She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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