Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want nice things and good sex
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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