my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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