I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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