Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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