Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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