Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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