Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize