I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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