Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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