I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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