he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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