What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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