life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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