I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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