I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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