nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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