A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize