I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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