I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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