The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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