he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
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Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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