she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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