last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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