I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Rumble strips road head = magical
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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