I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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