I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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