Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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