You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize