The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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