One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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