i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize