i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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