So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This house was built for laser tag.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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