I just made out with a guy for $7.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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