I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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